I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
