oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
