I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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