you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
