I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The Olympian is in my bed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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