his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
