did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
