we made out on top of his cat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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