My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
