It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm at about main and main street
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
