I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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