someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
