And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
