no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
