Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
