my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
