when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
