it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
