If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There r osticjed everywhere
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
