He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize