I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
