Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
