I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
