You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
