Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
