The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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