i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need to calm my uterus...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
