If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
