Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
