He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
