I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
