Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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