Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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