Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
