Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
