I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
