so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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