Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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