his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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