sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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