I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
