I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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