so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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