then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
