we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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