Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
