yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
