He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
