Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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