so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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