Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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