guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
