I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
