I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
