Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
