Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
