did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
