go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
