What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
