Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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