So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
