awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
