I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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