If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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