"it" just moved
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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