omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
