So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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