Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
